Sometimes Emily is invited to parties without Melissa and vice versa.
“You look frazzled,” said Fussy Missy.
“Bog off,” I wanted to shout back but managed a lame grin instead.
Standing in the middle of a community centre wrapped in toilet paper, wasn’t my idea of how to spend Friday night.
Unsurprisingly I looked like sh*t.
Melissa had coaxed me up for the ‘Best Mummy’ competition.
It wasn’t going well. My daughter and four of her friends had the economy loo roll wrapped round one of Fussy Missy’s magic wands and were attempting to cover me up. “Do my face,” I shouted, putting my glasses over the paper for maximum comedic effect. But it didn’t wash. There was a mix of horror and sympathy from those watching this ridiculous spectacle. I hated this party. The kids were full of sugar and some of the mums on their best ‘My daughter’s a genius’ behaviour. But at least I had both of my daughters with me. The emotional fallout when only one is invited can be quite something to behold. (That’s mine not theirs.)
When they were younger, we tended to try and make the time special for our other daughter in some way while their sister was out celebrating. These days we basically just tell them ‘that’s life.’ They both have their own mates after all and we shouldn’t expect other mums to know they are twins.
This weekend for example, we have a friend of Melissa’ staying as Emily was invited to a sleepover along with a select group of three other girls – all members of what they call their ‘best friends' club.’
Apparently being her sister doesn’t guarantee entry.
But it’s not just going to parties that can throw up ‘interesting’ issues you never knew existed.
Sometimes the smallest things about having a party or birthday can wind me up. Emily and Melissa’s last birthday was no exception. We had a fun-filled, fantastic time but a couple of things - or cards to be exact - troubled me.
They were perfectly nice cards - in fact one was beautifully crafted and homemade - but the simple problem was there was just one of them - and I had two children celebrating their birthday.
In one the sender had scribbled over the “you” on Wishing you a Happy Birthday to make it wishing you BOTH a happy birthday. I was speechless but still felt guilty at being ungrateful and perhaps, over-reacting. It was hardly the end of the world- and at least they had gone to the trouble to send a card.
I sought understanding from other mums of twins. I was heartened to find I was not alone, with the general consensus being only people without multiples would send a single card.
Karen Causley, mum to Thomas and Benjamin, aged two, says: “This is one of my pet hates. People just don't seem to understand that they are individuals. They may be twins, but if you had two children of different ages, whose birthdays were the same, would they still only give one card?
“When my two had their first birthday, they had a few cards like this and I just couldn't help myself for saying something. People just thought that I was being picky, but this really drives me up the wall. Even worse is one present to share. ”
Emma McAllister is mum of Toby and Seth, also two. She adds: When it was their first birthday we got a card saying Happy Birthday Twins. It was horrible, but what made it slightly worse was that it was from my best friend who knows how much I dislike that sort of thing. Still can't work out if it was a mickey take or not.”
Lorraine Anderson, mum of triplets Harry, Laura and George points out that what to send or give to their friends on their birthday has also proved thought provoking.
She says: “My triplets always send a card each as well as a present, it may not cost much as they will usually get something from the £1 shop along with a large packet of sweets but at least they all get to give the birthday child a present and card.”
Lorraine, chairwoman of Yorkshire Multiples Group adds: “Our quadruplet members, the Moss-Carbert family, actually received one card with QUADS written on it.
As a mother of triplets I strive to promote individuality in our children and I would hope others would follow suit but sometimes they need a gentle reminder.
“My children attend lots of parties for other multiple birth children and I make sure that I practice what I preach. The obvious delight on a child’s face when they realise that they can open their own card and present from each of my children is wonderful.”
Because of views expressed like the ones recounted here, Tamba has called on the greetings cards industry to increase the range of cards available for parents of twins, triplets and more.
Director Helen Forbes said: “It has been a real area of frustration for our members that the choice is severely limited, or they cannot find cards that announce the birth of twins or triplets, invitations to a christening for multiple birth children or even congratulate them on the birth.
“Nor do you ever see Baby record books for more than one baby, you may want to buy two or three but it would be nice to have the choice of one that actually marks the fact you have had twins.
“As children get older they do not want birthday cards that underline their being part of a multiple birth unit but at the very beginning, when they are first born, it would be nice to enjoy the same level of choice as other parents.
“If any card manufacturer would like to talk to us in more detail about what we feel could be done, we would be delighted to hear from them.”
But is all this making a mountain out of a molehill. Maybe we should all just be grateful that our kids are getting presents, cards and party invites in the first place. It’s hardly grateful to whinge when someone has gone to the trouble they have, even if they aren’t aware of the finer points of etiquette for how to make our children feel special, is it? Why not hit the comments slot and let me know.
Top tips for a very happy birthday
Have a quiet word with friends and relations before the big day - politely ask them to send a card each.
Start as you mean to go on - However young your children, they are individuals and should be treated as such.
Practice what you preach - a present from each of your children, however inexpensive, will be well appreciated and should go some way to ensuring the favour is returned.
If you want to go to the effort separate thank you cards are also a nice idea.
People who read this post also read: Just don't call them the twins Click here for more talking points as and when they are added. Or email me to suggest another one.
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