Can I have some help with my packing please?

Shopping. How we love it. I have such happy memories of trying to find a parking space and then collaring one of those nice young men in a fluorescent jacket to ask where all the double trolleys were. Then I'd discover someone had nabbed them to rest their weary handbag alongside their one child, or actually there weren't any. Tough.

See also: Getting from A to B sure isn't child's play Does your presence offend people?

Asda were once voted the most family-friendly supermarket by Tamba members. Good on them. Shows they do care even if they came up with the preposterous notion of asking this woman to star in their ads.

I boycotted a few smaller shops because I couldn't get a trolley, or fit my buggy down the aisle or even through the door. What joy, I think I need a lie down just thinking about it.

But these days, I'm just as likely to get wound up by inventions that are supposed to help. That's where the inspiration for this rant piece in the Guardian came from.

It's also as we all know, quite a malarkey sometimes to keep the worlds of family and work separate.

Ever wondered what goes on behind the scenes to bring you your weekend news and features? Well standing by the satsumas in Sainsbury’s yelling ‘I want to **** your ****’ into my mobile while Melissa fetched the bananas was just one of my challenges of freelancing for a Sunday paper.

I never thought it’d be possible to combine the demands of a young family with those of a busy newsdesk so to find myself thinking about both on a Saturday morning came as quite a shock. This particular week I was contacted help find not one, not two but three people to interview. Knowing so many people meant, touch wood, there was usually a way of sourcing what they asked for.

On Thursday they wanted an overweight 15-year-old and then a woman in her 40s or 50s. That was easy enough, give or take the stress of the time between finding them and actually interviewing them – I always assume the worst and think they will ‘drop out’.

Then at around 3pm on Friday I got the call to say they wanted someone who had been ‘stalked’ by text. Just 20 minutes later, having confirmed cursory details and her willingness to be pictured I was phoning back to say I’d got someone. So there I was the next morning re-iterating the sinister details as the desk worked my copy, submitted the day before, into what was being prepared in London. Other shoppers, I kid you not, were rooted to the spot, listening to my every word.“I want to **** your ****,” I repeated at the top of my voice.

The newsdesk couldn’t hear me the first time as the tannoy was announcing a need for more cashiers.“She’s 30, I sent a note,” I said.

“Yes he did threaten violence, he said he’d drug her, you've already got all that, haven't you, have the subs taken it out?” “No I can’t I’m in the supermarket,” I said as the news editor asked me to send an ‘add’ over by email.

As he now had to write in the further example of an abusive text message himself, I was forced to repeat the four-letter words while avoiding the gaze of the elderly lady who was hovering by the grapes.

Then I had to repeat another of the texts: “I saw you at the bar, looked straight into your eyes,” I muttered and this was enough to convince my audience that I was stark raving mad and they quickly turned their backs to continue filling their trolleys.

Melissa was also back with the bananas. “All right Sweetheart,” I said, smiling and we carried on towards the stock of Emily's favourite mushroom soup.

‘So that’s what they mean by juggling’ I laughed to myself and continued with the weekly shop –avoiding the shocked gazes of the other customers. Perhaps we should've bought some more soap , to wash my mouth out.

Comments

[Notjustamum]

This is hilarious! I can totally relate to the working mum thing. Keep up the good work.

[Camilla]

That's a great story, Linda!

[keda]

hilarious! i get away with swearing a lot here as most people don't understand ;)

[Elle]

Haha, I can relate to that.

I'm a spokesperson on sperm issues and am regularly called by the press. Discussing 'masturbation in a cup' and the effect tight jeans has on the quality of sperm is great fun - especially on a busy commuter train, at a check out or, a personal favourite, at the school gates.

[Linda]

Oh now that I would like to hear! :)

[Emily]

How funny!

Supermarkets are always the scene of my most horrific embarrassments!

[Pem]

Always enjoy your Technobile pieces Linda.