I'VE always had plenty to say about the positive experience of having twins. It's certainly not all doom and gloom as it sometimes seems people would have you believe. Working on a parenting feature recently, I spoke to two mums who explained how things got better as the children got older, and what they particularly enjoyed about having twins.
When you have twins, believe it or not, it can be like becoming a minor celebrity – scarcely going a whole day without a stranger feeling the need to comment: “Double trouble eh?” or “you’ve got your hands full.”
People stare. They ask questions. They can be very rude.
But some days these mostly well-meaning but still rather annoying words can be the least of your worries.
Two babies means twice the work of course and that can take its toll. I should know. My memory of having two under two is a distant blur.
But what all the concerned onlookers fail to grasp is that two babies also means twice the good things. When confronted with the “double trouble” observation, I always felt compelled to point out that actually it was rather brilliant to have two little ones to love. “Yes and double the joy,” I’d answer back.
For Julie Seal, aged 29, mum to Maisy, six, four-year-old Ruby and twins Kitty and Florry, 21 months, the most positive thing about having twins is their sense of togetherness.
She says: “They are an absolute joy and such good fun, they are very funny to watch them play and interact with each other. There is never a dull moment with twins. Someone is always up to mischief.
“They’ll always have each other and are so close.”
Julie also laps up the attention from people who quiz her about her children.
She says: “When people ask questions, like ‘do they run in the family?’ or ‘are they identical’, they are genuinely interested and want to know more. So many people stop me and say " I wish I had twins." Unless you have them yourself, it’s hard to know what its like day to day, people are surprised when you tell them.”
Julie says that much of the negativity that seems to surround having twins is unfounded.
“When I was pregnant with Kitty and Florry, a lot of twin mums used to tell me that it was hard work and that you never get anything done. But having two elder girls with an 18 month gap was much harder work than these two have been.
“I am a great believer in how ever many children you have that what you put in - you get out. I try not to stress too much with the children, take everything one day at a time and wouldn’t have it any other way.”
But Julie adds that she doesn’t want to underplay how tough having twins can be at the start.
“It’s a major adjustment,” she says. “Physically and mentally. Having two extra little people was suddenly a bit scary. It took me months for it to sink in they were mine. The sudden increase in washing, cleaning bottles and nappy changes and so on can also be tough. You have to stand back say ‘okay this is the way it is from now on’, get organised and enjoy it. Everyone who has twins can struggle through the tough times knowing that. They are blessed with something special.”
Sabrina Campbell, 29, is mum to Jordan, 11, seven-year-old Shade and twins Kye and Ryan (pictured aboive tucking into some sweetcorn) who are 18 months.
Like Julie, Sabrina feels blessed.
She says: “I feel very lucky and blessed to be given two healthy boys. To have one baby is amazing, but two at once is wonderful. We have a lot of love for them. On the rare occasion when my partner gets up with the boys I can hear them down stairs giggling and laughing. I feel I'm missing out on something so I get up and come and play with them and just go to bed early.”
And what’s the best thing about having twins? Sabrina’s answer certainly strikes a chord with me: “You get twice the love and twice the amount of kisses and cuddles.”
Sabrina is less keen than Julie on all the comments from passers-by.
“I don't like to hear their comments,” she says.
“Most of the people saying something don't even have twins. I often get ‘are they twins?’, ‘double trouble’ or "I bet they’re hard work.
“I got so fed up with hearing these comments I began to tell people that my children aren’t actually any trouble.”
And like many mums of twins, Sabrina stresses that the older the children are, the easier looking after them becomes.
She says: My twins slept through the night from a few months old, so that had a huge impact.
“Also, when you go out, you don't need to pack so much stuff – so many lotions and potions.
“I keep a bag in my car that has nappies, wipes, nappy bags and powder in.
“It saves time packing a bag every time you leave the house. You just have to remember to keep it stocked up.
“I also keep snacks in a sealed tight container. The only thing I still find hard is going out for a meal. The boys won't want to sit for too long in a high chair.”
For Helen Forbes, director of Tamba, the Twins and Multiple Births Association, hearing of different parents’ experience is key.
The charity provides much needed information and support for families expecting or caring for multiple birth children.
She says: “People do use the crass phrase 'an instant family' but I suppose the best thing about a multiple birth is the fact you only have to go through one pregnancy and one delivery. More than anything though you feel able to count your blessings twice, or more!
“Some people find the public interest in twins and triplets, intrusive and over-bearing but the unique experience of proudly pushing a double pushchair through a townful of admirers can be wonderful and positively restore your faith in human nature
“Another feature of having a multiple birth family can be the greater involvement of the dad. Dads are far more hands on when two or more babies arrive at once and there is also a role for the extended family too.
“People assume that if you have multiples you are entitled to extra benefits and help around the house, which is just not the case for the vast majority of families.
“New parents should accept any offer of practical help and support and grandparents should relish the chance to get involved with the care of their newborn grandchildren, whilst also knowing when to leave the new family alone.
“But different people have different experiences and there is never any shame in admitting that you find it hard to deal with two or more babies all the time. New motherhood is a hugely demanding role. Asking for extra help is a positive thing to do and will enable you and your babies to enjoy your time together more.”
Comments