Poll: Should I ask my daughters' school to put them in different classes next year?

WHEN my daughters started school, there was no doubt in my mind they should be separated.

This was because I believe they need to be seen and act as individuals from day one. Some families may feel four is too young. We had rare moments where Emily cried a little from missing her sister, but overall they were more than fine, and have been ever since - together or apart.

Of course you have to do what is right for your own family and I would never knock anyone for the decision concerning their children as they know them better than anyone else.

Now, as Year Five is approaching, because of reasons too complicated to describe fully, but linked with the number of children at the school, they have been in the same class for the last school year.

I am wondering if I should ask the school to put them in different classes next year. But they are very happy as they are.

I believe the main advantages to separation are that children can develop and be treated as individuals. That's a very easy 'line' to trot out, but for me, it means encouraging them not to be always mentioned in the same breath as their sister or compared in terms of character or behaviour and increasingly, development or achievement. It's not a competition.

But as they are happy as they are now, does it matter? My head tells me they would be just as happy in diferent classes, my heart says leave them together now. How much does being in the same class stop them being seen as individuals, really?

Twins do actually gain support from each other's presence, don't they? In the early days this meant we had to think carefully about whether you we felt the combination of new surroundings and separation from us as well as each other would be overwhelming. We can aim for separation as development and maturity dictate.

So, now they are nine-years-old, do they need to be apart?

Tamba’s experts told me some years ago that twins who display excessive competition, dependence or aggression benefit from being separated. In the case of boy/girl twins, differing rates of development can cause tension and the girl can become very dominant, suggesting earlier separation. None of this applies to Emily and Melissa

We didn't find separation in reception class to be too troublesome. I worried a little about when one was invited to a party and the other wasn't but figured they had to get used to it sometime! They see each other plenty outside school and as they were at different stages in reading and writing I was happy that they were in different classes and not being constantly compared to each other. Homework could prove problematic when there was just me as they wanted to poke their nose in to their sister’s but we learned to address this.

This year, they have had the same homework and the same appointments for parents' evening. I have liked the simplicity of those arrangements. But Emily has had friendships weakened by being away from friends she had become close to in earlier years.

Tamba has a range of helpful booklets including Twins, Triplets & More - the Primary School Years and Twins at Two, Three and Four. Take encouragement from the school's open attitude. If twins are treated appropriately and given space to develop as individuals, and their close bond is properly understood and supported, there is no reason why starting school should not be a happy and successful transition.

· Tamba, 0870-770 3305, or see www.tamba.org.uk

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Comments

[Becky]

Have you talked to your daughters about it?

It's a tough call. Mine are together (in preschool) because there's only the one class. It will be the same next year. But when kindergarten rolls around, I'll face the same question.

[Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah]

I'm with Becky. See what your kids think. I also consulted their teachers.

Last year my twins were not ready to be apart but next year (PS4) they will be in different classes as they requested. I think it will be good for them - now that they are ready.

[Linda]

Hi Becky and Sarah - yes sorry I should have said - they have told me that they like being together but that it wouldn't be the end of the world if they went into separate classes again. You could say that this is indecisive, but I prefer to look at it as laid back!

[Claire]

What did you go for in the end? Is it working out?

[Emily Aitchison]

hi mum it em can you please pick me up in car from school as ive got a fruit salad to carry and if your not on time i ll just start walking if yr on time please meet just in front of primary school thank you

[Mum]

okay darling if you get this. x