I SORT of know I shouldn't care about this, yet I do. I know it's not the end of the world and there are lots more pressing matters we can all turn our minds to, but when people call my daughters "the twins", it irritates me.
"They have names, you know," I want to point out. (But of course don't because then well, the other person would see that I sort of cared about something so outwardly trivial.)
What do you think? Perhaps you call your children "the twins" or "the triplets" anyway? Do you think I'm talking complete nonsense? Absolutely no offence taken if you do, by the way, I'm a thick skinned old thing.
"But what about calling them 'the girls, does that wind you up in the same way?' someone asked me this afternoon when I mentioned it.
No, it doesn't. That still seems less representative of a complete unit to me.My children are twins, so it does seem pretty ridiculous when you think about it. But by calling them 'the twins' as often as some people do, I fear they are being lumped together, and their individuality being ignored. Assumptions are being made about them both having the same likes and dislikes, skills or plans. Ho hum.
Will welcome any comments...do you think I'm over reacting?
* Read more stories about multiple birth children's individuality here.
My friend with boy/girl twins refers to her children as "the twins". I just follow her lead.
Posted by: CanCan (Mom Most Traveled) | May 22, 2009 at 05:59 PM
I don't worry too much about it, but my girls look nothing alike and strangers often don't even know they're twins. I think it's much different when people mistake them for each other and DON'T see their differences.
Me? I call them "the girls" if I'm not referring to them by name. Just never have called them "the twins."
And it's not nonsense. It's a topic many of us deal with a lot! :)
Posted by: Becky | May 22, 2009 at 06:37 PM
I guess it can be down to who is saying it, how it is being said and whether some people refuse to acknowledge their individuality. We call our twin girls 'the twins' at times because we already have two girls very close in age who we've always called 'the girls' and need to distinguish between the two. Are we ignoring our older girls' individuality by lumping them together at times? I don't think so because they are also treated as individuals as are the twins when appropriate. We only refer to the boys as 'the boys' infrequently as there is a larger age gap and therefore not as many reasons to be talking about them together.
Posted by: Katrina | May 22, 2009 at 06:45 PM
Hi CanCan, thanks for the comment - yes lots of parents call their children the twins, I feel like I may be making a mountain out of a molehill.
Hi Becky, it's the same with my daughters, they are nothing alike and other people, be it friends, teachers or people we don't know so well never seem to call them the twins, but closer to home, it's said - that's what makes it so surprising to me, I think. (It's a close relative)
Posted by: Linda | May 22, 2009 at 06:48 PM
Hi Katrina - yes I agree entirely, my friend who has twins and older children does exactly the same. I think in my instance, it may be more about how it's said and by whom - hope that doesn't sound too baffling.
Posted by: Linda | May 22, 2009 at 07:14 PM
Hi Linda - completely understandable. It's the attitude behind what is said that irks more than the words uttered.
What I'm baffled about is my older, close together girls are often mistaken as twins but to us they are so unalike, apart from normal sibling likeness, we struggle to see what others are seeing. Only the other day were we talking to a neighbour about the twins (we've recently moved house) and they remarked seeing them playing nicely in the back garden :-D but the twins are only 4 months old, 'the girls' are 8 and 6 and have a massive height difference. Maybe it's our ignorance in thinking twins SHOULD be more alike than 'the girls' are :-D
Posted by: Katrina | May 22, 2009 at 09:04 PM
We've had Emily and her cousin mistaken for twins as they look far more alike than her and her sister - and there is a year between them.
Posted by: Linda | May 22, 2009 at 09:23 PM
I thought I was the only one that considered reference to my sons as 'twins' was like being called 'freaks'. It's getting easier now they're older as they don't look alike and one wears glasses. I also find I get less comments from strangers - I know people like to coo over babies but the worse thing would be when I was told, 'It must take you ages to get out and get things' to which I'd smile and move on politely. Did they not realise they were making their observation come true!!!
Posted by: Dawn | May 23, 2009 at 02:43 PM
Hi Dawn, I know how you feel - people would just gawp and say stuff like 'you've got your hands full' and you'd want to say: 'yeah thanks for pointing that out! Why not hold the door for me? :)'
Here's my list of top 10 things not to say to parent of twins or more:
http://www.havealovelytime.com/2009/04/next-time-you-see-some-twins-triplets-or-more-on-your-travels.html
Posted by: Linda | May 23, 2009 at 06:21 PM
My daughter really dislaikes people referrng to her twin sons as 'the twins' but doesn't have a problem with 'the boys'. I have fallen in with her preference and when I think about it 'the boys' defines them more as individuals, 'the twins' could be 2 girls, 2 boys or one of each. With my own children, 3 singletons, girl, boy, girl I would refer to them as individuals when talking about one, or comparing them but there would always be times when I would discuss 'the girls and their brother', much the same as with 'the boys' (the twins), so I don't feel that they are any more robbed of individuality than a singleton with a same sex sibling.
Posted by: Midwife Muse (via BritishMummyBloggers.ning.com) | May 30, 2009 at 09:52 AM
I hated being one of "the girls" as a child, and there are 3yrs between me and my sister. We were dressed alike, but we are so different, and I'd rather not be tarred with the same brush as her sometimes!
Posted by: KTP (via BritishMummyBloggers.ning.com) | May 30, 2009 at 09:55 AM
My daughters are 32 and I still mind them being called "the twins" AND my husband refers to them as the twins. I never minded "the girls" though. Somehow "the twins" just seemed too lazy to bother knowing them as 2 people. They are fraternal and as little girls they did not look so much alike. In their first preschool class no one had a problem with identifying them until they learned they were twins, then suddenly they couldn't tell them apart. I didn't do twin names or twin dressing.
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