What is a mum? Persil advert in the dock, plus a new rhyme from me

YOU'VE got to love a bit of nostalgia, haven't you?

Gives you a warm glow inside.

But what's that you say? This isn't necessarily looking back fondly but a rehashing of tired, sexist stereotypes?

Hell, some people report they even turn off the telly in disgust.

What do you think, is this a storm in a cup and a half of washing powder? Or is Persil guilty as charged?

Whatever your view, here's my attempt to bring said ad up to date. Hope you enjoy it:

A mum is someone who saves to buy her kids a Wii activity mat

Then spends the money going to see Take That instead

A mum is someone who says ‘big girls don’t cry’

Then sighs: “Because I said so, that’s why.”

A mum is someone who is careful to get the balance between SuperNanny and Wife Swap just just right

She isn't sure why she sometimes weeps at night

A mum is someone who uses Prozac, has no pretty hats

For 100 years, she’s thought advertisers a bunch of twats

Think you can do better? You undoubtedly can! Why not give it a go?

* Some feedback included in the comments here comes from me posting my efforts at My Writers' Circle.

Thank you to Joanne at Parentdish for including this post in her 'best of the blogs' round-up and thanks to Nixdminx for drawing her readers' attention to it in the latest 'Mummy blogging' carnival. Check 'em out for lots of new writing you may like.

Comments

[Ammara FM]

Is remembering one's mother as sweet 'out dated'?

[Linda]

No of course not. This is just a light-hearted update - but what is outdated is that a mum saves for a pretty hat and buys a cricket bat as in the original. It's a lovely piece of nostalgia up to a point in my view but there's no harm in having a bit of fun updating it and as a mum I don't mind admitting that sometimes I do feel patrionised by advertisers..

[Ammara FM]

Oh, okay...because I'm writing about a mother who's close on being an angel and I was thinking maybe it won't go down too well with the latest mindset! I'm sorry but your poem did not seem light hearted at all. The first few lines had the undertones of violence and the last few ended on depression. I felt sorry for the mother by the end of it. It made it seem as if she has serious behavioural/ anxiety issues and that she needs to go to a good shrink. Was this what you were trying to convey?

[Linda]

yes to the depression, no to the violence!
Thanks for the feedback!
I do think it's light-hearted but as more mothers than ever before are being treated for depression as they try to do too much I suppose it's also meant to have a satirical edge to it as well and yes, thinking about it, it's good to have sympathy/feel sorry for the modern mum at the end of it... Re the 'violence' I've taken out a reference to 'bloody' and changed 'shouts' to 'sighs' - I think that sounds much less threatening. Anyway I'm very happy to have shared it here and grateful for your view.

[Mark]

Linda

Speaking as a man that has had a mum, and has been married to a mum, and that has known many mums, I would say that mums are far more likely to shout “Because I bloody said so, that’s why!” than sigh it. AND when they do, it is venting frustration rather than violence: unless of course the words are accompanied by a vicious slap to the side of the head.

Mark

[Linda]

Thanks Mark, my mum's favourite was: "I'll give you something to cry for in a minute..." (Something I have tried my hardest never to say!)
Ammara - your comments remind me of the reports I've read before (that'll be in the Daily Mail) that mums could actually have been happier when all they had to worry about was a cricket bat. That's a lot to take in, and I hope that some people at least will read my poem and think about it.

[Ammara FM]

Yes, but as a 'Mum' myself, I wouldn't use such language in the house with kids! Unless if I need some parenting lessons myself. Is that what the frustration is all about? Is this a mum who has small kids or teenaged kids? Either way, a mum has to show restrain, otherwise she's not someone, one can look up to. Is this a poem about a mother or a woman? The answer would probably decide whether you can include swear words, as a woman can get away with being bad but a mum who does it will (in my humble opinion) not be liked very much! Hence avoid the swear words if it's to gain sympathy.

We try all our lives to be the perfect parent and maybe there is no such parent out there...but we all like to imagine we're trying our best and coming close to it. We NEVER want to be seen as monsters because we're not... Unless there's some violence somewhere in the backstory!

Ammara

[Mark]

Did you know that research at Keele university has proven that swearing can be used as an analgesic?

[Linda]

I swear a lot and sometimes, not being perfect, in front of the children. I'm perfectly happy to include swearwords in this poem.
I don't know many women who don't swear and they are surrounded by friends and other loved-ones. My mum, who is a wonderful woman, swears a lot. I try not to swear around my children but sometimes I have been known to utter 'dickhead' when driving with them in the back seat...they laugh but if they use such language are told not to - yes that's not the best lesson in the world but there are much more worrying things to think about. I don't know if you mean the mum in the poem sounds like a monster but most of what's included in it is a direct reference to the orginal - swapping 'Persil' for Prozac, etc. I don't think a mum who swears needs parenting lessons.

I think one who doesn't know how to make her children feel loved, secure and happy does.

This poem isn't asking anyone to look up to a mum, but you certainly can look up to people who swear. For example Stephen Fry's definition of the act of murdering Piers Morgan as 'countryside' is pretty clever, I think. Again, some would argue that the old 'twee' Persil poem put mums on a pedastal and while they would like to be respected for all they achieve day to day, this 'whiter than white' representation sticks out like a sore thumb these days, and just doesn't ring true. Mums and kids are now portrayed more realistically. For example we love Jacqueline Wilson's books and David Walliams' The Boy in the Dress - about as far away from this 'picture perfect' view of motherhood painted by advertising execs. All humans are made up of good and bad and to pretend otherwise about mums - even ones who let slip the odd swearword now and again - is a bit hard for me to understand. Why shouldn't a mum 'let rip' now and again? Doesn't have to be in front of the kids and certainly doesn't mean she's violent...Anyway, must dash, have a mum in law to treat to dinner...

[Ammara FM]

Linda I quite enjoyed your outburst! Because where I come from I guess we're still living ( with respect to morals) somewhere in the 60s! and any mother who DOES use swear words is really not real! Which brings me back to my first question :

Is remembering one's mother as sweet 'out dated'??

I guess from your last comment, the answer is yes! But honestly, any mother who uses swear words in a Pakistani society is quite a monster! but in my comment I was just referring to the poem .

You see I'm writing a memoir about my experiences as a mother who travelled all over the world because of her daughter's rare blood disorder. And there can be nothing more frustrating than knowing that your child might die tomorrow and you don't know why or how to save her. My question posed to you above was basically keeping my book in mind too. If I write that I gave up my business, investments, life and excellent jobs for my daughter, not once but several times, does that make me unrealistic and unbelievable? And I don't swear either. So that's another problem. I'm seriously wondering if my book will be any success without the swear words or talk about sex I certainly can't aspire to be very popular without it and that's quite clear! I'm not sure if I'm willing to change myself for success just yet!

By all means keep your swear words if that's your natural instinct! Besides it's YOU you have to reflect in your poem not clearhorizon! But thanks for invariably making things clearer for me, as in what's 'in' and what's not these days! Back to the drawing board for me!

[Linda]

It wasn't an outburst! Was it?

I was writing very quickly but calmly. I think the only difference from where I am coming from and where you are coming from is that I don't equate swearing with having 'no' or 'bad' morals.

Nor do I think that an inspirational story of a mum's love is bound to be unsuccessful because of a lack of swearing - the love, compassion and strength can shine through with or without swearwords in my humble opinion, but my own personal view is that portraying *anyone* as an angel *could* be seen as a bit one-dimensional - I think that the inevitable inner turmoil, sacrifice/suffering or whatever of someone in such an inspirational story has to be refelcted to make it more compelling - plus any challenges it throws up - but it certainly doesn't need swearing! Don't be swayed too much by what you feel will be 'successful' or otherwise - stay true to yourself and write from the heart - that's where the best stories come from isn't it? Good luck to you and thank you for challenging me.

Re your question as remembering your mum as being sweet being outdated - as I said before no I don't think it is, but the elements of pretty hats/cricket bats/images in the ad are undoubtedly outdated.

Line by line this poem was supposed to show:

Line 1 - mums are more obsessed with modern tech than ever before
Line 2 - they think about themselves more these days
Line 3 - a change from 'boys' to 'girls'
Line 4 - Lighthearted references to reality TV beloved by millions these days
Line 5 - admitting all is not rosy (as mums forget about themselves when looking after others and sometimes feel down)
Line 6 - direct swop and reference to ad - substituting persil for prosac
Line 7 - speaks for itself

I don't think this is a reflection of what is in or out - it was just a few lines knocked together by me in about five minutes and I really didn't feel sure about it and your view is v interesting and welcome to me.

Thanks again

[Ammara FM]

You're right: a one dimensional story of inspiration is not really good enough for this day and age...which is why I am willing to fight my own demons in my book . As I mentioned, I don't think there is a 'perfect parent' but we all try to be one. I'm no different.

[English Mum]

Blimey. *sigh* Linda, you have the patience of a bloody saint (and yes, I say MUCH worse in front of my kids - so sue me!!) xx

[Linda]

heh. Thanks Becky. When I was little we were allowed to say any swearword except 'fuck' and the c-word I'd never heard of course...My mum used to tell a joke where the punchline was something to do with a play on words to do with 'gatooks and bollo.'

[Keris]

Your poem made me laugh, Linda, and that advert makes me seethe. I did wonder if I was being oversensitive, but perhaps not (are there any dads in the ad? Did I just miss them? Or are they out working while the mums are doing the washing?).

Ammara FM - While I appreciate that you're questioning this from a different perspective (of how it relates to your book, I mean, rather than a cultural one), your comment, "Is this a poem about a mother or a woman?" pulled me up short. I didn't realise the two were mutually exclusive! Did I stop being a woman when I became a mother then? Actually, that *would* explain a few things... ;)

[Keris]

Oh and I wanted to say something else about swearing. I hadn't heard Stephen Fry's brilliant comment, Linda. So thanks for that.

The example I usually give is a bit I saw Billy Connolly do about how your mum always used to make you wear clean pants in case you got run over. He imagined the scene of an accident and the paramedic saying, "And you should've seen the fucking state of her pants!" It's just not as funny without the f word.

[Platespinner]

Hi Linda, just linked through from British Mummy Bloggers. I think I've only seen the full version of this ad once but remember rolling my eyes in irritation. I like your updated version - much more realistic.

@ Ammarra FM - I just wondered do we really need to strive for perfection in our roles as mothers? And who gets to define what a 'perfect' mother is? Who is doing the judging and why are they qualified to judge us as mothers?

[Jo Beaufoix]

It's amazing how differently people view things isn't it?

I read your poem as lighthearted and a bit of a dig at the patronising parts of the original ad, but I actually enjoyed both the ad and the poem. Even if I watched the ad with a bit of a grin on my face as it was pure cheese.

And Keris's point about @Ammarra FM's question, "Is this a poem about a mother or a woman?" was also the part of this discussion that got the strongest reaction from me. I am a Mum, and a woman, and a friend, and a daughter and an Auntie and so many things. It sounds to me like @Ammarra is very hard on herself. She may need chocolate.

[SandyCalico]

Hi there, I found you after you left a comment on Platespinner's blog. I saw your blog name and remembered it was one that I had thought about using when I was looking for a name for my blog. I saw it was already taken. I haven't got twins, but had two babes within a year!
Sandy at Baby Baby
http://sandycalico.blogspot.com/

[Linda]

Hi Keris - 'your poem made me laugh' - well you know me, that's all I wanted! So thank you!

Hi Platespinner - exactly! The only 'judge' I need for how perfect a parent I am are my children and I mean in how they turn out, not what they say to me when they are in a huff...

Hi Jo - yes it is - do you ever read the comments on the broadsheets' blogs sections - I can't fathom where some of them are coming from! I think the ad is set up to be very enjoyable and it is undoubtedly sweet in some ways - but it does start to grate I reckon!

Hi Sandy - thanks for coming and saying hello - I think there's another blog of this name too. Up to now this blog has been all about twins etc and we have been chuffed at readership/feedback but now I have decided to follow the direction of other 'mum blogs' - my main blogging pursuit is at www.havealovelytime.com

Thanks everyone for reading. It's good to talk. Hmmn now what do I think of that marketing message? :)

[notSupermum]

Very interesting discussion. I have to say that I don't swear in front of my children, or elsewhere for that matter, unless it's desperate (the time that comes to mind was when I took a frozen leg of lamb out of the freezer and dropped it on my big toe - and I wasn't wearing anything on my feet. A couple of expletives shot out of my mouth that time, I can tell you.)

Having said that, I don't judge people who do swear, it's just not my thing.

Getting back to the Persil ads, I particularly dislike those ads, and have done for years. The insidious portrait of the mum as the only person who can use a washing machine is so outdated, but the tendency now for ads to feature clueless men is similarly annoying. Why do the genders have to be set against one another just to sell something?

Oh, what do I know. It's early and I've only had one cuppa. Must put the kettle on.

[Linda]

Hello notSupermum! You talk a lot of sense there. My best friend is someone who has always hated swearing and she is very swift to admonish (what a weird word!) her boys for letting any troublesome word (however mild) slip. Also what you say about the ads is true - how 'hilarious' is it that a grown up son (a skinhead no less!) doesn't even know which way up to hold the box!
Is now a good time to add that most times I do the washing my partner has to remind me that I've put the powder in the wrong tray? In our house, he does the washing far more often than me. I suspect this could be a shocking revelation to some - but it's a 60-40 split overall between who does the washing, cleaning, cooking, shopping etc. With me taking up the lesser percentage I should add, not through any principles but because I'm not as bothered by mess.

[Kelly]

Hahaha made me giggle for sure! =)

[Jane]

You've got the modern mum down perfectly! For not being poet it reminds me of Liz Lochead without the Scottish accent.

[Rachel]

Hee hee, Liked the poem, twas funny!

[InsomniacMummy]

You make me giggle Linda!

[CM]

Love this Linda,

Especially the cultural references ... And particularly the word "twats" x

You've got us Mums just right, anyone would think you knew or something ;-)

[plant food]

haha