Breaking the silence carnival of blog posts about mental illness

WHY a carnival about mental health?

I feel very strongly about mental health issues. I have suffered from what everyone always just called "black moods" now and again all my adult life. I didn't know what this meant and would just go to bed to let these fleeting feelings pass. But you can't do that when you are a mum or well, busy at work can you?

And then I got worse. I contemplated throwing myself out of the window, of deliberately crashing my car, telling myself I wasn't worthy of my family's love and that they would be better off without me. I was terrified of how my children would be affected by my mental illness.

My upbringing was to ignore, shun, dismiss or ridicule people who are mentally ill. I was told by family, friends and the media through news reporting and entertainment that those who "succumbed" to a mental illness were either weak, dangerous or just a bit odd. These people either deserved our pity or we should be scared of them. They didn't amount to much and if they were people in positions of trust, authority or power, then well they couldn't have been very good in their job, if they ended up cracking up.

On an outing to a sports contest a member of my family was taking part in, I noticed nearby walls and trees in the grounds of a psychiatric hospital. I must have been no more than 12. I asked my mum what the hospital was.

"It's for people who have a bath with their clothes on," she said.

God love her. We didn't half laugh.

Yet here I am 30 years later. I've never had a bath with my clothes on but I've sometimes wondered if a spell in hospital would do me good.

Saying that out loud isn't easy.

And nor is it easy for the people who have contributed to our mental health blog under their own name or anonymously. Psychiatric care in this country doesn't seem as valued as other parts of the NHS, people whose brain is affected by illness are more likely than those with conditions affecting other parts of their body to be dismissed, disbelieved, mocked or discriminated against.

You can tell I am well to be able to write this post. I did have a "wobble" recently but I listened to the people who love me and thanks to reading other posts and comments on our mental health blog, I decided to talk about it. Freed from a crushing belief that discussing these things was "self indulgent" I talked and my gorgeous partner listened and told me exactly what I wanted to hear.

I felt like a weight had been lifted.

I hope the following posts can help you understand more about mental illness, about how it feels to have a mental illness and maybe, just maybe they can help you feel a weight can be lifted too.

Inspired by Who do you think you are? Suzie Grogan wrote a compelling piece titled An unsound mind - bringing a family illness into the open.  I don't mind admitting I have returned to this piece more than once.

Breaking the silence contributor Jen's blog post about post natal depression is also a piece of writing that draws me back. As someone who has made part of their living writing about parenting, it has really made me think.

Helen describes a post she has written about her dad's Alzheimer's as one of the most difficult she has ever composed. I hope people can visit her site and let her know you have read what she has written, it's a moving story and it has been recorded on the blog to help others.

Clareybabble discusses how hard she has found it to cope in the past and is frank about what has helped her in her post, It's all in the mind. This is a post that has helped me for sure. To see Clare explaining in black and white about her history of anti-depressants makes it easier for me to understand that it is okay to seek help and anti-depressants can work. I sometimes feel there's even a stigma attached to getting better thanks to attitudes to different remedies.

Likewise, I love the fact that Hayley has blogged about what happens when she misses her medication. My view is that there are some things now that are easier to blog about and well medication isn't one of them so thank you!

Plan B describes rage. Like Jen, she has been influenced by the notion of a "perfect parent" and how we all measure up. Her hugely supportive comments show she is not alone. And for Ella, pregnancy turned into a time of depression, this captivating post asks so many questions that will resonate with others.

There's an anonymous platform for bloggers called Blognonymous. Its launch post has been submitted for this carnival. It's about living with someone with depression. Again advice and support in the comments is interesting and worthwhile, with "talk about it!" coming out loud and clear. This is a subject also touched in Looking after Fred.

I know Carol won't mind me admitting I find her poem When the darkness comes hard to read because it reminds me of my own experience. Thank you Carol for flagging this post up. I hope you are "free" for a long time to come.

Jo Beaufoix volunteered all her posts about Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder. This is not a condition I had heard of. Jo's customary warmth and humour run through all of her posts and I am sure that a lot of us can identify with her rallying cry that says her condition is not all of her.

Lisa describes how she has been depressed and some difficult times. She sheds light on how hypnotherapy has helped her. It's an illuminating insight and has opened my mind! I wonder how many of us could do with this sort of filing cabinet?

Deer Baby's haunting memory of a childhood visit was such a moving and fascinating read. Like her as you can see from my intro above, recollections from decades gone by have coloured my perception of hospitals. I'm indebted to this blogger for her beautiful writing which stirs so much empathy and recognition in me.

Another gorgeously titled post, Sometimes I don't want to dance is from the wise and kind twin mum Rebecca. It never ceases to amaze me that mum bloggers have the capacity to be so frank, creative and support others. Amid posts about happier times, Rebecca's honesty is disarming.

How many of us wear a mask when we are down? Perhaps it would be easier to count those who didn't? Over at Frontline Depression, that mask is described and heartbreakingly, it has been in place a long time.

Now some apologies:

I'm sorry this carnival has appeared two weeks later than it was planned for on a site it wasn't planned for! Thinking I could do it for August 19 was stupid. 

I'm sorry if I have missed off anyone's submission, please send me a gentle reminder and I will put it in. 

Some weeks ago I asked for entries to a carnival on our mental health blog, Speaking up, Breaking the silence.

We have been beset with technical problems which mean the site is basically down (no pun intended!) but I have been keen nevertheless to share information about and links to the posts submitted.

Forgive me, this is such a long post but before I introduced the contributions, I wanted to tell you some more about mental illness and me, and why I'm doing this.

Will there be a next time?

I hope so.  Please comment here if you would like to host a mental health blog carnival. But we have to be realistic about how and when we can manage this. One every two months perhaps?

Are there any "rules" connected with this carnival?

No, next question.

Okay then, not rules, is there anything you would like us to do in connection with this carnival?

• Yes please tell people it is here
• Please read the posts included
• Please send the bloggers some love if you would like
• Please understand that mental health shows no discrimination. Men women, mums, city lawyers, people who call themselves "childless" or "childfree," bus drivers, poets and national treasures can experience mental distress. I hope that in the long-run we can speak up in these carnivals and help drive that message home
• Please read our mental health blog. And consider adding our badge to your site as pictured at the top of this post. When you click on it it should take you to Speaking Up, Breaking the Silence but due to recent technical problems, it doesn't at the moment! (You get the badge by cutting and pasting the code you can see by it on the right hand side of this blog.)

So it would help if it wasn't knackered but we are working on it.

Thank you!

Comments

[Sara]

This is amazing carnival thought provoking and rather close to home. Thank you for this,

[Linda]

Thank you Sara and I mean every word, I hope that you can read the brilliant, evocative posts by these contributors and that you can see that so many people are touched by this and that...it's good to talk. x

[New Mummy]

Thank you for pulling this together and including my poem, I'm sorry you can't read it. I'm going to have a good read of all the posts tonight when OH is at work x

[Linda]

I can read it Carol but I can imagine the pain behind writing it and that upsets me! I would say I should "get a grip" to myself but that's um not really a good thing to say.
And now I am talking to you about talking to myself in a comment on a blog post, think I'd better get my coat! xx

[New Mummy]

There was a lot of pain behind it but it felt good to get it out x You don't need to "get a grip" x

[New Mummy]

It was painful but good for me, please don't be upset x x

[Beckicklesie]

Hi, I would love to host one of the mental health carnivals. Big cuddles to you all of you.

Beckicklesie

http://beckicklesie.blogspot.com

[Cara]

This is a very tough topic to tackle so hats off to you for raising it in so many ways. Anyone who thinks depression is due to being weak must read Depression- the curse of the strong by T Cantopher. Inspirational. http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d.html/ref=redir_mdp_mobile/276-6662876-4910556?a=0859698963

[Suzie Grogan]

Thanks Linda, as always. There is some really great writing on here and you have introduced it all so brilliantly it feels great to be somewhere so non-judgemental.

[Michelle Twin Mum]

Fab carnival. Thanks a lot for putting it together. I had a short foray with PND when the twins were about 8 mths, there is only so long you can do everything and be super mummy!

Mich x

[Linda]

Thank you everyone for your supportive comments, Cara I will seek that book out, beckicklesie thank and so you shall! :) I'll be in touch!

Suzie and Mich, no need to thank me, I think it's apparent doing this helps me too. xx

[Jane Alexander]

Superb, Linda.... you know how I feel about this and how important it is to get people reading and talking about it... Janexx

[Linda]

Thanks Jane and I hope you know that I will be hugely grateful always for your kindness and understanding especially that a million miles from any blog. xx

[Cathy @ NurtureStore]

Thank you Linda and all the others taking part in the carnival. I'm so pleased to see these issues being talked about and support shared. I think we all have something to learn from reading about others experiences.

[clareybabble]

Thank you so much for including my post Linda. I've read through all these posts and they are all heartfelt, well written pieces, that prove that people from all walks of life can and do live with depression and anxiety. I have found some new blogs thanks to this carnival xxx

[Paula]

Thanks for the link Linda. So many of us will suffer or be needed to support a sufferer at some point and I think it's brilliant to have the opportunity to share these experiences. xx

[Elizabeth via BMB]

Hi, I just wanted to let you know that I totally agree and think its great that you have been brave enough to approach this sensitive subject. I really identify with alot of these stories as I have had my own issues with mental health in the past and so have decided to discuss the topic in my own blog this week (7yummymummies) to offer our support and help in 'breaking the silence'. I have also included a link back to your original post. :)
http://7yummymummies.blogspot.com/2010/09/highlighting-important-issue.html

[Rosie Scribble]

A great list of really useful posts, Linda. Looks like it must have taken a long time to compile. Worth every minute, I'd say. x

[jay (@cosmicgirlie)]

This is fantastic Linda. I don't really follow carnival posts, but as I'm sure you already know this one is very close to the bone, to the point where reading some of the posts has shed a little light and prompted me into action.

I hope I might have a worthwhile post to share for the next carnival, if only to share my experience. xxx

[Linda]

Hi Rosie, Jay and Liz, thanks for your comments, it really didn't take that long you know, what with me being a typing demon with steam coming from the keyboard. Jay,shedding light is exactly what I was after so thank you for letting me know that it has helped.

[ella]

A great carnival Linda. It's taken me a while but I'm getting round all the posts. Thanks so much for including me, and for taking the time to compile so many important posts in this way.

[kevin blumer]

i tihnk a lot of people still dont understand mental illness and a lot of people say who have deppresion it like buck up get a coffe down you and youll be ok i have bpd witch a lot of people havent heard of and a coffe for example for me will not buck me up and make me better the more people hear about them the more people will understand put it another way my best mate dosent think i suffor form bpd he thinks its deppresion and just mocks me alot of the time